Happy Tuesday!

Well Yesterday started a Big Adventure for me.   The Start of the Bigggest Loser challenge at South Valley Gym. 

I have always struggled with my weight from the time I can remember. As a child I was chunky, overweight but not huge. I have always felt self conscious about my weight. I was shy, I held back and I NEVER did things that put me in the spotlight. I was never bullied, but sometimes peers would make what they thought were funny comments, those hurt because I just knew they were true. From the time I was a young girl I let others define who I was and what I thought of myself. This has followed me throughout my life.  Weight determined the things I did, or most important did not do. I was close to 150lbs during high school, not huge but it was my self worth that determined what I did during High School. I did not love myself. 

I really gained weight after I got married. I weighed 280 with the birth of my fourth Child and I really hated who I was. I hated pictures, I hated doing really anything because I was ashamed to go do anything. I married a naturally thin man and I thought we looked like the Nursery rhyme  Jack Sprat. 

Jack Sprat could eat no fat,

His wife could eat no lean.

And so betwix the two of them

 They licked the platter clean.

I know that isn’t true but that’s how I felt. I had two Active Boys and I had just Lost 2 children I felt crappy. i just wanted a normal life, you know that life that being skinny would bring. 

I found what I thought was my solution, By-pass surgery. I have to explain, I tried diets, I did what I thought was everything I could and I truly believe at that time in my life with the way I viewed life and my mind set, By-pass surgery was the answer. Looking back with my new mind set and way of thinking, By-pass surgery is not the answer. 

There are very real consequences with By-pass surgery, some of them can be controlled, some cannot. Your body will be forever altered. It will never absorb nutrients the same way ever again. I am always anemic, I have major dental problems and I occasionally have dumping.(dumping is a very crappy (Pun intended) way of your body dumping everything in your stomach in a matter of minutes.) It is the price I have paid to lose 140 Lbs. Since 1999 when I had my surgery I have gained about 30 lbs back. I did not exercise,  but I did give up Carbonation. I just went about my life.  Today even though I am not hugely fat, I feel the lack of exercise in my life.  Ijust want to be healthy, to run and not gasp for air. I want to look at myself and be proud of what I see. It’s really about me setting a goal and achieving it. For me.